heliocentric@breathe.com Shaun Hand, Birmingham. 27th October 2000, 7.15pm IT'S NOT CRICKET (Difford, Tilbrook) From 'Cool For Cats', 1979 Chords used: D: xx0232 Eb: x6888x F: 133211 C: x3555x Bb: x1333x G: 320033 A: x02220 E: 022100 C#: x4666x D D She used to a topless down at the Surrey docks, F With tassles on her wotsits, she did a t'riffic job, D Bb Bb A C# C# Eb Of raising all the eyebrows, of every lunchtime mob. F She went with all the tossers, who kick about a ball, A They say their club's the greatest and she has kissed them all, F C# C# C D At the Arndale Centre, she's up against the wall. D A G A G A D A I can't name names cos that's not cricket, D A G A G A D A I can't name names that would put me in it, Bb F E A But that's another story in the finish. D I saw them at the pictures, a tangled heap of love, F He had so many women, but only classy stuff. D Bb Bb A C# C# Eb I saw him at the clinic, a pink card up his cuff F One holiday in Bognor, a stag night hit the town, A The groom was in the car park, with his trousers down, F C# C# C D But that's another story that won't be going round. D A G A G A D A I can't name names cos that's not cricket, D A G A G A D A I can't name names that would put me in it. Bb F E A But that's another story in the finish. D F D Bb A C# Eb F A F C# C D D The Deptford had a beano, to Southend for the night, F With forty crates of lager, to see the Southend lights, D Bb Bb A C# C# Eb They got home for their breakfast, pissed out of their minds. F This girl gave me the minces, so I asked her for a dance, A And in the death I kissed, and so I took a chance, F C# C# C D And when I went to touch her, she tried to break my arm. D A G A G A D A I can't name names cos that's not cricket, D A G A G A D A I can't name names that would put me in it. Bb F E A But that's another story in the finish. A D A 'Know what I mean, eh? Bob?'